Acts of Absolution
by Adiamante
Summary: Because sometimes you do tie up life's little dangling ends, but not always the way you expect. Edit: Chapter 2 'The Morning Before That' is up.
1. This old house

**Acts of Absolution**

Disclaimer: C O N T R O L: It's not mine. Props to Amy Sherman-Palladino for giving me excellent materials to work with.

SummeryTagline: This is not a romance fanfiction, but a story of an ending that began the first time they ever saw each other.

Spoilers: Anything up to the end of Season 5

----------

To an outside eye, the house was simply a slightly run-down affair; leaves clogged  
the gutters, shutters creaked their protest as the late November wind shivered  
them on their rickety hinges, shingles lay strewn about on the lawn intermingled  
with dunes of leaves overlaid by branches tossed here and here, products, no doubt,  
of the last big storm to hit the area. To an outside eye, this house was just one of  
many decaying in a quite corner of Connecticut (many would say, of course, that  
the entirety of Connecticut was the quiet corner).

She was not an outside eye. She had lived, breathed, laughed and cried here;  
she had spent many of the best years of her childhood and the entirety of her teens  
here, grew up here, and given away her innocence here. Rory Gilmore was home,  
if only for a little while.

As she entered, the smell of must was unmistakable. Wind rose once again, rushing in  
from behind her, through the open front door, running its cold fingers through her hair,  
and stirring the dust into jaunty whirlwinds highlighted by the late afternoon sun, as if  
they were celebrating the return of at least one of the occupants of the house. Sheets  
fluttered from their positions covering the furniture in the room as one last gust made  
it through the doorway before she shut it tight.

The condition of the house did not surprise her consciously (though in the back of her  
mind, she would always expect to see it as it was, full of warmth, life and comfort,  
containing those who had always protect her from the world) for it had been years  
since anyone had actually lived in it. Her mother and Luke had moved into the Twickham  
house long ago, with the birth of their first child together; her little half sister. Of course,  
the name "Lorelei" had quickly been vetoed upon hearing the baby's gender and an hour  
long argument ensued before it was decided to name the soon to be little girl Emily  
(around that time, a running joke appeared about how the wee one might offer redemption  
to the name).

She was slowly propelled out of the front door room, past the living room where she had  
spent so many hours on that couch with her mother analyzing, heckling, or sometimes even  
watching almost anything and everything that could be shown on a TV; past the stairs; past  
the kitchen, all the while deep in her own musings. 

The sound of a step behind her sent her whirling around, three steps into her old room.

"Rory."

(_"What am I doing here Rory?"_)

"What…?"

(_"You're picking me up."_)

" 'What am I doing here', Rory?"

(_"I don't belong here, not anymore, do I...?"_)

(_"De_)an?"

(_"You_) look good."

It was an unconscious parody of the last time they truly communicated to each other. She had  
never quite forgotten the look in his eye; knowing, yet tired and poignant, when the last throws  
of their relationship had destroyed even the possibility of anything after. Nor he, when he saw  
almost relief behind hers. 

"What are you doing here Dean?"

"I believe you've already tried to ask me that."

"And?"

"I'm moving back to Stars Hallow."

The last Rory had heard of him Dean had left town, had run away, some said, from the events  
that had run roughshod over their lives in the waning half of 2004. She had never been told  
where he had gone, and she'd never asked. 

"So? That doesn't explain why you're here, in MY house."

"You've been away a long time Ror…"

She interrupts him, "Yeah, well so have you, longer even!"

"HEY, you lost the right to use that tone with me when you stopped being my girlfriend, and  
that was a hell of a lot longer." 

And with that, the last 15 years dropped away, bringing back emotions that they had long ago  
assumed were laid to rest.

"You dumped ME Dean!" she snarled at him, dredging up all the self righteousness she  
could bring to bare against him. 

"You didn't love me Rory."

"You were my FIRST!"

"I was safe; convenient," he replied coldly.

Her face crinkled, "but… I told you I loved you…"

"In the beginning maybe, but not in the end; not with Tristan, Jess or Logan in the way. In the  
end, I was a habit, if anything." 

She chokes back a sob and lifts a shaking hand over her mouth while tears worked their way  
down her face. At first, the tears fell from the cruelty of his words, a cruelty that she had never  
seen before; but as the seconds ticked forward her mind began sifting through the memories of  
days almost two decades past.

It had been love in the beginning, of that she was sure. Even when she could not answer him in  
the junkyard, it had been love and she had eventually told him. Something happened though;  
maybe Jess had started it, maybe it began before, but the deeper she dived into her memories,  
the more she became aware of how the love had somehow disappeared. Something else  
had replaced it, a caring, a comfort; a knowing that this would always be there for her. But for the love… 

She realized.

And when her clear blue eyes could finally meet his again, they were filled with tears that stemmed  
from knowing and saw the same knowledge reflected back to them by their opposite number.  
Of course he had known; he had known and it'd torn him apart day by day, every time she had  
smiled at him, kissed him, or made love to him. He had loved her though, had loved her even  
after he knew that she was not his and that he could never keep her.

Only then did he finally move towards her, only then did she rest her head on his chest as he  
embraced her, and cried into him; her tears quickly soaking the front of his sweater.

"I'm sorry Dean… so, so sorry…"

Rory's voice is muffled by his chest, but Dean hears and simply holds her to him tighter; soothing  
noises issuing from his lips. Minutes pass as they stand there, locked together in mutual grief for  
what had gone on before. Finally, as her tears slow to a trickle, she looks up into his eyes again  
and sees something familiar; if lost for years. She is sure the same look is reflected in her own gaze.

Their kiss surprises neither her nor him, and for a moment, history jumps its track; jumps to a  
place where she had kept on loving him while Tristan, Jess and Logan were simply blips on her  
radar screen. They celebrate their wedding day with that kiss and in the rising heat of her room,  
they celebrate their wedding night and years of nights that follow.

For hours, the house regained its warmth and personality. Little feet can be heard coming  
up and down the stairs, while cries of "Mommy" and "Daddy" echo the halls. Holiday dinners  
are eaten, presents enjoyed; 3 generations walk through the kitchen, sometimes arguing,  
sometimes laughing, and a little girl who has her mother's bright blue eyes and her father's  
smile looks up and laughs in a pilgrim costume while dancing to music only she can hear.

But the hours pass, and the warmth fades as history resettles on its former path; and a little  
girl named Lorelei slowly disappears from view. Soon all that is left are two bodies entwined  
on a dusty single bed with only their coats to cover them and the last rays of a setting sun  
to warm them.

Her head lays tucked below his chin with his arms embracing her; his fingers tracing  
languid circles on her back. Ever so slowly her lips begin to move and words tumble  
out softly. 

"_Who can take a sunrise, and sprinkle it with dew, and cover it in chocolate  
and a miracle or two, the candy man… oh the candy man can…"_

He smiles down at her and gives her a squeeze.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so(_rry that I didn't love you, I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that it  
couldn't work, I wish it could have, I'm so_)rry." 

"It's ok Rory, it's forgiven."

She snuggles deeper into his embrace, her breath cooling his skin as she sings softly again.

"Who can take tomorrow and dip it in a dream? Separate the sorrow and collect  
up all the cream… the candy man… oh the candy… man… can…" 

The words trail off, and soon only the sounds of their breathing flutter through the night.

-------------

Leaves crunched underfoot; her heels click on concrete, as she walked away from the  
house of her childhood. Grey morning light filters down and an early cold November  
wind blew its way through the trees, silencing even the hardiest bird.

She reviewed her plans for the day. She would visit with her mother, Luke and her  
half-siblings for the week and walk the streets of the never changing town, visiting with  
old friends. Seeing Sookie and Lane, Miss Patty and Babette, even meeting Taylor  
and Kirk would be enjoyable. Then she would leave again.

Rory reached her car before she turned back and faced the house. They both knew that  
they would never be together, that this chapter of their history was finally closed. She had  
offered him her sorrow and, for a few hours, everything that could be shared. In return,  
he had offered her absolution and she had accepted it.

Dean was met by the quiet sound of a Hydrogen Fuel Cell car start up as he exited the house  
and saw her tail lights moving away from him slowly; she did not glance back.

_ Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead  
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken  
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes  
This is your life and today is all you've got now  
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have  
Don't close your eyes  
Don't close your eyes_

_ This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be  
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose._

_ - Switchfoot: _**_This Is Your Life_**

_ Fini._

_-------------- _

Author's Notes: Like I said, this was not a love story and if you ignored my warning and came in here looking for one, I hope you were still pleasantly surprised. What can I say? Writers love feedback, ;) The inspiration for this story hit me after I had finished shot-gunning the series up to the end of Season 5 in less than 3 months.

Story Stats: Started - August 17, 2005, 1:59:01 AM

Finished - August 18, 2005, 3:37:05 AM

Pre-read – August 22, 2005, 1:02:46 AM

Final copy – August 22, 2005, 11:04:37 PM

Bloopers Finished: August 22, 2005, 11:30:25 PM

Which makes it the story that has taken me the shortest amount of time to complete EVER. Sure it was only 5 pages and around 1700 words, but dragging motivation out of my unruly head is a time consuming and painful process so give me a break:p If you want the bloopers, simply e-mail me. If I get enough responses, I'll just add them on to the end of the story.

Edit: Wow... the editing of this would make a sane man cry.


	2. The Morning Before That

Acts of Absolution

Disclaimer: C O N T R O L: It's not mine. Props to Amy Sherman-Palladino for

giving me excellent materials to work with.

SummeryTagline: This is not a romance fanfiction, simply stories of what

happens after.

Spoilers: Anything up to the end of Season 5. This was all started before

season 6 began, so it doesn't apply here.

-------------------------

The sign said welcome to Stars Hollow; not that Dean needed to look even after

13 years of absence. He had lived in the town only 7 years, and yet it'd

still managed to imprint itself upon his psyche.

Of course he was back now, maybe for good. The intervening years had seen him

in Chicago building a fairly successful contracting business. But in

Chicago, Dean was simply a small fish in a big pond. When the opportunity to

move his business to Hartford had appeared he had grabbed at it. After all,

he might still have not been the biggest fish, but the pond in Hartford offered

far less competition.

Still, property values in Hartford had skyrocketed and there was little chance

of Dean being able to afford a place there. So, he was here; here in Stars

Hollow. A place just 30 minutes away from Hartford if there was no traffic,

someone, he knew who, had once told him.

Rory. It was Rory who had told him that, and if he thought that she still

lived in Stars Hollow the property taxes in Hartford wouldn't have mattered

worth a damn. But she too had moved off; become the journalist that she

had always wanted to be, and left the Hollow to travel the world. That's what

he had been told after she left anyways.

The sign had finally disappeared in his rearview mirror as he turned to his

left and entered the center of the town with it's one main street that went in

a square around the Gazebo. Past Al's Pancake World, past Andrew's Bookstore,

past Luke's...

Breaks were applied quickly and only the lack of traffic this Sunday morning

ensured that it was only the sound of groaning break pads and whining rubber

followed not by any sort of crunching such as two metal frames smashing into

each other. A few heads turned at the noise, but were quickly turned back when

little else but the ticking of a rapidly cooling engine followed.

"Coffee. I need coffee. That must have been why my foot pressed down on the

break. Simply my unconscious telling me that I'm still half asleep and I need

caffeine in my system. And since Luke's has the best coffee in Stars Hollow,

then it follows that this is where my unconscious would stop me."

"Well, alright then."

----------

"Hi, erm, one coffee to go please?"

The girl sitting behind the counter could not have been more than 12, which

would make her working here illegal in most places, due to the child labour

laws. But this was Stars Hollow, and thus, it was a quaint little practice that

tourists would comment on and then laugh about in their own, sometimes snooty,

manner.

Her face was buried in a book as Dean spoke and remained so for several seconds

after. It was almost like she just hadn't heard him although he was not 2 feet

away from her.

"Hello?"

The book was a paperback novel, something science fiction-y, though her mouse

brown hair blocked his sight from the title. Even as he leaned forward over the

counter Dean could only think of how this little girl had incredible

concentration. When he was but 6 inches from her down turned head, he tried one

more time.

"Hello there."

This time, as Dean spoke, she startled, raising her face from the novel and gave

him a surprised wide eyed stare.

"Oh shoot, sorry. It's been slow so far this morning and I didn't hear you come

in. Plus I just started this book last night and it has just these wonderful

characters in it that I just got so caught up in what was happening that I... I

just had to read more. Dad sometimes tells me that I wouldn't notice if a

robber came in and robbed the cash register right in front of me cause my head

is buried so far... into a... book... and you probably don't care."

He didn't recognize her jaw line, nor her hair which tended towards a much

lighter shade of brown but her eyes were a blue deeper than he had ever seen

before, baring two people; and her ranting and her deep attention to the written

word felt oh so familiar.

It was like a shot to the gut. It all made sense of course. Why else would a

12 year old girl be manning the counter in Luke's? And it's not like Dean

thought that Luke and Lorelai would never have children, although Dean had had

some doubts about Luke's ability to take care of said children. Something about

jam hands...

"Ok, so since you're staring at me like I'm an idiot and I'm blabbing on and on

like I'm an idiot, I think I'll just shut up now and let you order."

He realized that he had been staring at her, for the entire length of her rant,

with something of a slack jawed expression on his face.

"What? Oh no no, don't worry about it. Um, a coffee to go please."

She nodded and slid off the stool she had been perched on. It was only with

her back towards him that he was able to notice the major differences and calm

the raging feeling of unease in his gut.

For one, she was stockier than they had ever been; not fat or really even big

boned, there just seemed to be more flesh on her. Something commented in the

back of his mind that the day she grew up, her curves would probably be very

male friendly.

"You know, you do have the second most incredible concentration that I've ever

seen when you read. I spoke to you at least 3 times before you looked up."

"Or maybe it's because I'm just incredibly self-involved," she replied with her

back still turned to him.

"Maybe, but I doubt it."

He could see her shrug her shoulders as if she was saying that it didn't matter

all that much to her whether or not he doubted her. Another difference, he

mused; more self confidence.

"So what's your name?"

"It's Emily, pleased to meet you."

"Emily huh? Not Lorelai?"

That caused her to stop pouring his coffee and for the coffee jug to be set down

back on the coffee maker.

"What do you mean?" she asked, and although her tone was not overtly suspicious,

some of the friendliness had faded from it.

"Well, I used to live here, in Stars Hollow, and you look like some people I

used to know. You're Luke and Lorelai's girl?"

The friendliness was back, "Oh, you knew my parents?"

"Yeah, I was a lot younger then of course."

Emily had turned back around and placed his cup of coffee on the counter.

"That'll be two dollars. And don't worry, dad made this batch, he almost never

lets Mom make the coffee for the diner."

Her cheeky grin was turned full force at him, forcing him to clamp down on his

own startlement and rising tide of emotion. It was all he could do to simply

let out a smaller smile and laugh before he turned to make his escape.

"So, are you moving back or something?"

"Yeah, probably. It depends on if I can find a place to live around here."

"Cool. So hey, did you know my sister Rory? Well, half sister, but she doesn't

feel like a half sister so I consider me and her to be full sisters anyways.

She's about your age so were you guys friends or something? Maybe go to school

together?"

"Yeah, I knew her."

"Oh, what's your name then? Maybe I've heard something about you?"

He managed to escaped without answering leaving only the tinkle of the bell

behind him.

------------

Emily re-perched herself on the stool again and stared at the back of the man

who was doing a great impression of someone trying to not look panicked while

walking away from a hungry bear.

The sound of a curtain being pulled aside made her glance to her left just in

time to see her dad appear.

"That a customer?"

"Yep."

"How many times did they have to call your name before you finally looked up

from that book?"

She made a face at him and he chuckled.

"You know, you look like both your mother and your sister when you do that."

"Yeah, Taylor's told me that before. Speaking of which, the guy who just came

in? He said he used to know you, mom and Rory. Said he used to live in this

town and was thinking of moving back."

"Oh Really, what was his name?"

"I asked him, but he never answered me. He was tall though, at least six foot,

with floppy brown hair and nice eyes. The guy was kinda weird, but cute for an

old guy."

Emily turned back to her book thus missing the look that flashed across her

father's face.

------------

Dean stumbled out of Luke's as quickly as possible, retreating past the dioramic

picture windows until he was finally out of the diner's sight. That was far too

close for him. What did he expect though? It wasn't as though he thought that

he could avoid all contact with those that he had left behind if he moved back.

Still, that was far too much, far too soon.

As he stumbled back to his car, coffee in hand, Dean noted the church bulletin

board. If he was looking for a house, he might as well start there he mused.

There were notices for bake sales and bingo nights, prayer services and Tupper-

wear parties. Fortunately, there was also a list of houses for sale or rent,

plus the number of the only realtor in town.

Further examination was interrupted by a small body stumbling into his leg. He

looked down to find a pair of eyes belonging to a five year old boy staring up

at him in surprise, which, coincidently made him the second kid to at him like

that.

"Whoop, sorry Mister."

The child was obviously bound for church; dressed, at it were, in a button up

shirt and a pair of slacks.

"Matt, come back here!"

Dean turned towards the source of the second voice, the mother no doubt, young

and just a little exasperated by the sound of it. His eyes glanced across her

and he started smiling, trying to placate her.

The smile died stillborn on his lips. It didn't seem quite possible that his

luck was that bad. But here she was, proving once again that bad luck comes in

groups. Three's the saying goes actually, though Dean wasn't sure what the

third one could be.

She stopped as she saw his face.

"You're back."

"Hello Lindsey."

"Mommy?"

The boy turned back and scurried to her, sensing something weird between his

mommy and the tall man.

It was her hair that he noticed first. She wasn't a blond anymore. Hair which

he had once seen haloed by sun and veil had darkened over the years to become

a lighter brunette.

As he looked, she looked back, the corners of her mouth trembling slightly

before stilling.

"Come on Matt, church is starting soon and daddy told us to save him a seat."

With that, Lindsey took her son by the hand and led him off towards their

destination leaving Dean to look on behind.

-----------

It wasn't that she had nothing to say to him; she had lots to say, rooms full

of things to say, boxes piled to the ceiling-about-to-burst full of things to

say.

But she didn't have to say them anymore.

What had happened was almost a generation behind them, almost half their lives

had past since then and, for all that it had caused her pain, caused her long

hours of wondering why he had done it... she need not have brought it up.

Because she had passed it behind her, thought not forgotten, had passed him

behind her, though not totally forgiven.

---------

Dean was still looking at her walk away as she turned her head back to glance at

him and with a slight smile she called out to him, "Welcome back Dean," in a

voice laced with many tones.

He met her eyes and called back, "Thanks Lindsey. It's... good... to be back."

Lindsey nodded her understanding and continued to lead her son towards the

Church.

Dean turned back to the bulletin board and busied himself with finding a pen and

a pad of paper to write down the realtor's information on.

Fini

Author's Notes: And that's the end of segment two of AoA. Will there be others?

Quite possibly! Will they be good? Who knows:D And of course, Feedback is

welcome.

Story Stats:

Started - Sunday, September 04, 2005, 4:09:36AM

Finished - Saturday, October 22, 2005, 4:21:00AM

Final Copy - Thursday, December 08, 2005 04:04:39AM

Like I said before. I take a long time to boot out one of these stories from

the deepest parts of my mind.


End file.
